when you are going through life you come up to certain parts that you cannot stand to even look at or experience, because you cringe when it happens, or you just find it so disgusting, so despicable, you just really HEAV! at the sight or feeling of it!
Why is it when i watch certain programmes is it i feel like i am inside said programme or film, is because i do not like my current life? is it because the feelings in what i am watching makes me feel much better than i had ever felt before, i mean i hate the social aspect of some thing, but only sometimes do i want to run away, the feeling to something just makes you feel like the most pointless person on the earth, yes i have excess to a laptop, and no i dont live in poverty, but that is because i was brought up with a loving mother dont get me wrong i love her so much, but she pushes me into thing i dont want to be any where near, because i hate meeting new people, even though i make people believe i am a very outgoing person, thats only because im pretty much crazy, and its me lashing out when there is a awkward silence, and people just look at me like im crazy, i could easily sit in all day and all night watching videoson youtube, learning some more code, HTML, playing my playstation 3 and just being, but no in this world you have to get out there, i wish i was better at coding, and just knowing the ins and outs of computers but i was pushed to socialize when i was younger, has that push when i was a kid made me shy, gloomy, an introvert? To be fair i wouldn't be surprised....
I have just noticed this is goign to be a very confusing blog because i am skiping inbetween things here one paragraph to an other, the reason for this i am just saying as it comes outof my head.
a couple of years ago i thought i would never find any one for my self, then i started college, it wasnt bad and i was already okish at what i was going to college for, but after 6 months at college i had a really good friend lets name him, "Bean", and i started hanging around with him and i got invited to go out with bean and a few other people from college, we went out to a 16+ night, and every one was giving me money to go buy them beers, and other drinks, then we all chipped in togeher to get some weed, we bought £30 worth, and i had smoked it before but thats a different story......then we met some lesbians and they saw we were smoking weed so they said could they have some, but £30 for drugs doesnt give you that much, so they bought them selves in, they were pretty smashed already, but we were doing 2 toke passes with blow back, but for some reason one of the lesbians really liked me, we were allowed to choose who to do the blow back to, she chose me every single time....
MYSPACEBARISFUCKED.....
i was 12 when imoved to a different country, i hated it, i did never forgive my mother until this moment, because to notice how you turned out and how i could have turned out i am glad i went this why, im glad i moved to that country, but i still hated it, and yes i can speak that langauge of the place i moved to,
when i was 7 i think, there was this guy called billy, VERY OLD well compared to my mum any way...builder, light blue jeans with paint or cement over them,and a white plain t-shirt, with the same shit all over them asthe jeans, some crappy roughed out reeboks with a pairof steel toe caps in his left hand with is right arm crossed, speaking to my mother while she looks distressed, she tell me to go upstairs after i get my drink of milk, and she says i can go on the computer, so i go to play a game called habbo hotel, andlooking back at itnow it sucked, but back then was hardly any games to play online, except mini clip, and for some reason my mother had blocked all downloads on the computer so you had to have A password to download, shockwave, or adobe flash player, socouldnt play any gameson that website, then when habbo hotel got updated and i needed a better verson of adobe flash player i cried for days, then my mum then asked me what has been wrong with me for the last few days, and i told her about my game, and she just laughed then said why didnt you just ask me to put the password in for you, as i carried on crying i tried to say, i thought you never ever ever wanted any thing downloaded on there, she laughed again and said any like shockwave and adobe flash player isfine, just no games,and i stood up and stopped crying alittle bit and shouted i never have a i never will, she then turned around at went to the computer and said "comeon then, lets download this" so i wenton to habbo hotel, and it crashed because i needed adobe flash player, and it gave a link sendingyou to the update, i click download and the password protection thing comes up, and mother types the password in, and i watch what she presses very carefully, she spells it wrong the first time because it said she had the wrong password, then she types in a different one and it turns out it was Pepsi, the name of her first pet which was a dog, a kings charles to be exact, but YES i know the password, and i got to play habbo hotel again!
Was in a car crash when we got in said country we were moving to, 15 minutes after we gotout of our transport....THAT SUCKED TRUST ME!
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